From Maesk Counseling in Fort Lauderdale - Can Long-Term Isolation Lead to an Addiction?

We are living through some of the most stressful times in recent history. With the global pandemic raging on, many of us are still worried about our own health and the health of our loved ones, especially our older friends and family members.

Many of us have also been hit with financial burdens. Some have lost jobs and others have had to close their businesses. How will the mortgage and bills get paid?

To make an already bad situation worse, a lot of us are still experiencing lockdown and quarantine. Many are working from home for the first time and still, others are unable to travel and be with loved ones.

This has left a majority of people feeling alone and isolated when they are already feeling they are most vulnerable.

The Link between Isolation and Drug Use

During stressful circumstances, it is a natural tendency for people to turn to drugs and alcohol as a way of coping. A study reported in the American Journal of Epidemiology found there was a 25% increase in alcohol consumption in the weeks following 9/11.

The stress and isolation of the current pandemic are putting those people who are prone to addiction at great risk. Virtual cocktail hours are now officially a thing. But how many of those cocktail hours end when the computer is shut off?

Human beings are social creatures. When you take our ability to be social away, it can lead to depression and anxiety. Even people who have no history of addiction are at risk of developing a drinking or drug problem during the pandemic as a way of coping with social isolation.

When coping with stress, it can be hard to self-monitor our behaviors, but it is incredibly important for our overall health and well-being. If you suspect you have been drinking or using any drug more than you should at this time, it’s important to be honest about that.

Ask yourself a few questions:

• Has cocktail hour started earlier or gone later than usual lately?

• Does the bottle of wine that used to last 3 days barely last one night?

• Do you ever feel like you SHOULD cut down on your drinking or other drug use?

• Have you noticed you’re thinking about drinking or using drugs more and more?

• Have loved ones commented on the amount you’ve been drinking?

It’s important that you are honest with yourself at this time. And if you answered yes to one or more of these questions, it’s important that you get some help.

Many treatment centers remain open during this time. You may also want to think about speaking with a mental health counselor. Here at Maesk Counseling we offer telehealth solutions. This means you can receive treatment online.

Times are tough for everyone right now. You are not alone. If you are turning to drugs and alcohol to deal with the stress and isolation, please know that we are here to help. Consider scheduling your appointment today.

From Maesk Counseling in Fort Lauderdale - Is Teletherapy Effective?

Wondering if online therapy is effective? (HINT: it is!) Click HERE to find out more.

From Maesk Counseling in Fort Lauderdale - Dealing With Stress (Stress Kills!)

A few years ago, I posted an article written by Captain Paul Watson about how he deals with stress. You may know him as the co-founder of Greenpeace and from the television show “Whale Wars.” If anyone knows about stress, he does. I find this article so helpful and insightful that I am posting it again. I hope you will take his message to heart.

Dealing with the Killer Called Stress

Observations and Advice by Captain Paul Watson

I am often asked how I deal with stress considering I’m wanted by Japan and Costa Rica, I have a price on my head from the shark fin mafia of Costa Rica, we have numerous ships on the sea in dangerous campaigns, I am being sued, threatened and harassed continuously and I have a lot of enemies, critics and people who wish me harm.

The answer to this is simple. I don’t deal with stress, because I do not suffer from stress. And these are ten primary reasons why, and for anyone suffering from anxiety, worry or stress, I would like to offer this advice.

1. It is what it is. Whatever the issue, whatever the threat, whatever the circumstances it simply is what it is. Stressing will not change the situation. All problems can be dealt with or ignored.

2. “It’s always something.” I say this all the time to my crews whenever a problem arises. “It’s always something and if it’s not something, it’s something else, but it is always something.” This means that life comes with obstacles, challenges and problems. Problems should not be unexpected. They are inevitable. All problems can be dealt with by dealing with them, delegating someone else to deal with them, or ignoring them. One thing for sure, on a ship, it is definitely always something.

3. Stay calm. There really is nothing worth getting upset about. For example, if I drop a bottle of wine or tomato sauce and it shatters, my reaction is, “hmmm okay, that needs cleaning up.” If I lose my phone, wallet or keys, my reaction is “I better replace what I lost and take measures to cancel my cards etc. More seriously when my regulator jammed once at 30 meters, I calmly signaled my partner to indicate my situation. Fretting about it will not recover the object. Panicking will not save your life. Anger emanates from stress. Without stress there can be no anger. Without stress there is no panic. 

4. Nothing material is permanent and thus objects are not worth stressing about. Your car is damaged, something you own is stolen, or you lost your investments etc. It is really not important. Material objects and comforts are nice but they should not be anchors keeping you attached to stress. Move on.

5. Friends are friends or they are not. A true friend will never betray you and if a “friend” does betray you than he/she is simply not a friend. Always walk away from betrayal and do not stress about it. True and loyal friends are rare treasures and should be treated as such. Loyalty returns loyalty. Compassion returns compassion. Courage returns courage. However you control only your own loyalty, compassion and courage, not that of others. And if they prove disloyal or they betray you, the treasure is no longer a treasure but merely a bauble to be tossed aside. Never stress about betrayal or loss. It is what it is. 

6. Loneliness is an opportunity. It is an opportunity to discover yourself. You can’t find someone to love you if you don’t love yourself, and the secret to finding the right person is to not look for that person. Love should blossom from the ground like a lovely wild flower. It cannot be cultivated until after it is realized. Do not seek the seed but let the flower reveal an opportunity to you to grow and learn.

7. Relationships are like streams, constantly flowing and as they flow they meet obstacles. Some are minor and others major but a relationship either flows around the obstacle or it is blocked, and if permanently blocked, it ends. This is not cause for stress or angry, resentment or jealously. It is what it is. Move on with appreciation and without bitterness for the relationship that is no more, and open your heart to other possibilities that life presents. The most important factor in maintaining a meaningful relationship with lovers, family or friends is simply acceptance. You need to accept them for who they are and they need to accept you for who you are. If you cannot accept another person for who they are, you need to stop inflicting stress on that person and to walk away. And if another person does not accept you for who you are, you need to walk away no matter the nature of the relationship. Stress kills and living with a person who does not accept you for who you are is like living with a person who is slowly killing you. 

8. Fear is a poison that seeps into the soul and paralyzes our senses generating paranoia, insecurity and anger. Never let fear enter your life. There is really nothing to fear because things are what they are and will be what they will be. Remember you are the captain of your fate and the master of your soul and body. Who you are and what you wish to be depends on you and you alone. A person free of fear can accomplish far more than a person shackled to fear. 

9. Oscar Wilde once said that the only thing worst than being talked about was not being talked about. People talk, they gossip, they make false accusations, some enjoy insulting and belittling others. They are easily dealt with by ignoring them. Responding to them is what they want, so don’t respond. Reacting to them is what they want, so don’t react. Such people are not worthy of causing stress to you. They come from a place of insecurity, jealously and fear. It is their stress, and their stress is their problem. It should not be yours. 

10. Hoka Hey. It’s a good day to die. It’s a Lakota saying and it means to not fear death and to stand firm for what you believe in, to fight against all odds and to never surrender. The one absolute of life is death. We all will die. What matters is not dying but living. It is how you live that is important and the only thing important about dying is how you die. It should be a death without fear, with dignity and with acceptance that it is what it is. The person without fear dies but once, the person shackled by fear dies slowly from stress and anxiety. Accept the inevitable, embrace the final reality of life and smile in the face of the infinite. The real secret to happiness is to not fear your own death, to not fear failure or ridicule, and not to fear others.

Stress is an obstacle to mindfulness and an impediment to impeccability. Stress is the cause of migraines, cancer and many other ailments. It is the reason people smoke, take drugs, and drink excessively. When people ask me why I’ve never smoked anything, the reason being is that I have never felt inclined to do so. It never seemed healthy to me and I have always been mindful of the consequences. I think that stress blocks mindfulness of consequences. The same holds true to getting drunk or stoned. Without stress there is no need, nor a desire to do either.

Mindfulness is simply awareness of who you are and what you are doing. A person who is mindful is a person free of stress.

Unfulfilled desire leads to stress. Wanting nothing allows you to appreciate what you have. When you want nothing, you want for nothing. We all have basic needs for food, for warmth and shelter, for clothing and for companionship. Mindfulness allows you to be secure with your basic needs. Everything else is a luxury and although luxuries may be appreciated, you should not depend upon them. Depending upon luxuries leads to stress.

I have never worked a day in my life for the sole purpose of making money. I have never wanted to own anything and although I now do own property and material things, I do not allow those things to own me. I never engage in arguments about money or debts. I tend to avoid debts but when debts occur my position is that they are what they are and certainly not anything to be troubled with.

As far as basic needs, I learned to address this as a teenager when I left home at 15. I had no money, no place to stay, no prospects. I jumped a freight train, rode in the automobiles being transported from Toronto all the way to Vancouver. I arrived and camped in the abandoned gun towers on Wreck Beach and the first thing I did was to go to Vancouver City College to enroll. I found a job, moved out of the gun tower into a single room I rented and went from there. Looking back I see it as an adventure. I had nothing but there was no stress. I simply replaced the insecurity of my position into an adventurous experience. I treated every job as a learning experience and working as a longshoreman, teamster, tree planter, warehouse man, short order cook, baker, painter, carpet layer, postman, tour guide, landscaper, and seaman all were educational experiences.

The truth is that all of life is an adventure, the good and the bad, the ups and the downs, the experiences, the hardships, the thrills and the times that were lonely, happy or difficult. Even the loss of friends and family is simply dealt with by acknowledging that death is as it is. It is inevitable and although we may sincerely mourn we can do so without being stressed. This may be difficult to understand but it is indeed quite possible. With the passing of every friend, with the passing of my brother I have silently said “Good-bye” with the appreciation of having known them.

I have gone into situations many times where the risks of injury, death or imprisonment were practically a certainty. My approach has always been acceptance. And amazingly I am still alive and still free. When I have had nothing I have had everything I need, and when I have risked all, I have usually been successful. One of the things that concerns me is when I read about, or hear of people, especially young people committing suicide because of bullying. I wish that I could talk to such people before they make such a terminal decision. I would tell them to not let the insecurities and fears of others influence them in any way. I would tell them to accept that all the ridicule, insults, bullying and peer pressure is irrelevant and simply unimportant to who they are. If a parent is unaccepting of who you are, you need to say to them that if you are unacceptable to them they have no right to be your parent and you should walk away from them. Too many people are enslaved to parents, partners and friends who do not accept them. Unacceptance and bullying are forms of violence and everyone should walk away from violence with dignity. No one should tell you what to believe, how to think, how to dress, how to behave or to dictate your sexual orientation or condemn you for your compassion, your passion, your imagination and your character. You are who you are and that is what it is, and how it should be, and if others do not tolerate who you are, don’t give them the satisfaction of destroying you. Simply symbolically spit in their eye, walk away and concentrate on being who you are for the benefit of yourself.

And if anyone is inclined to commit suicide my advice is to commit social suicide instead. That is, to drop out of your life as it is and begin another life, in another place with new ideas. Adventure is the antidote for depression. Take a chance, jump into the unknown and you will be amazed at what is awaiting you after you do.

I am not infallible. I have made mistakes in my life, many of them. I have at times in the past responded with anger although never physical and limited to the poison of the pen. I have let some people down, disappointed others and missed opportunities. But the one thing that I have been able to do in my life is to avoid stress.

At 67, I am healthy, happy, optimistic, and as passionate as I ever have been. Even more so because I have had the grace of experience and the satisfaction of achievement in those areas that I chose to address.

I am happily married to a wonderful woman and we have a 22 month old son and having a toddler can be stressful but the key to this is to be patient because babies will do what babies will do and by accepting this and dealing with it should not require enduring any stress over it. Always speak softly, smile and do not over-react.

The point of this posting is this: Do not let stress ruin your health, your love or your life. Dreadnaught and live the adventure, this adventure that is life. It may well be the only life you will ever have. Even if you believe in the afterlife (oh and don’t stress about that either) the fact is you will never know for sure, so no sense wasting the unique life that you have.

A stress free life is not only possible, it’s also essential for your health and your happiness.

---

Get help with stress NOW

From Maesk Counseling in Fort Lauderdale - Happy New Year!

So here we are - 2021. I think all would agree that we are happy to see 2020 in the rear view mirror. Here’s hoping that the new year will bring you health, happiness and peace.

Now is also the time to think about what you want this new year to be. In other words, set goals for what is reasonably within your control. And as always, please be sure to pay attention to your self-care.

Bottom line: Have a GREAT NEW YEAR!

Happy New Year!

From Maesk Counseling in Fort Lauderdale - Election Anxiety!

It’s been a little while. We have been so busy here at Maesk Counseling. With everything that has been happening this year, I’m sure you can relate!

Over the past several weeks, there has been a lot of talk about election stress - more than any other year in recent memory. So, will I can’t promise you the outcome you would like, I can share with you some tried and true ways to dial back the anxiety you may be feeling

First, focus on sleep. It is the foundation for good mental and physical health. A proper sleep hygiene program can go a long way to getting you to feel like your old self again. Try the tips mentioned HERE.

Second, try this simple trick to re-direct your anxiety: Each morning, write down three things you are grateful for, and say them out loud. It doesn’t matter what they are, what matters is that you say them. This simple act give you agency, and has been shown to lower stress.

Third, move. Yes, move. Get up, walk around the house. Take a walk around the block. Go run five miles, if that’s your thing. Exercise provides physiological benefits which are powerful, and will make you feel better. And remember, the little stuff still helps. Getting up and walking around the house at every TV commercial break is still better than sitting there for two hours. As they say, “don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good.”

Try these things…they really work, and finally, remember to VOTE TOMORROW!

From Maesk Counseling in Fort Lauderdale - Many Benefits of Therapy

What Are The Benefits of Psychotherapy?

One person helping the other in time of need is an age-old tradition. People have been needing the helpers in a myriad of situations. From repair work to curing illness, helpers have been helping mankind since long ago. The mental health helper was like an individual particularly blessed or gifted in his or her ability to assist others through trying times. People with mental illness also need someone that can help them to get back to a healthy and fulfilling life. In the era of COVID19, helpers are needed more than ever.

Psychotherapy (often simply called therapy) is used for treating many different issues and problems like emotional crises, depression, anxiety, family disputes, marital problems etc. The types of psychotherapy include cognitive therapy, behavior therapy, family therapy, interpersonal therapy, and others. Therapy can be short-term or long-term, depending on the presenting issues.

Psychotherapy is performed either in a group or for individuals. In both the cases, it is usually of tremendous benefit. Here at Maesk Counseling, we do both. Here are some benefits of psychotherapy:

• Psychotherapy enables you to tackle your issues either at work or home to maintain a healthy connection with the people around you. 

• When a person suffers depression, the family suffers too and psychotherapy helps them to be strong in these times and support the patient.

• Psychotherapy enables you to cope with depression more effectively and face the world looking in their eyes without any hesitation. 

• It enables you to identify your weak points and unhealthy behaviors and change them with time. 

• You can regain confidence in your personality and quite possibly you will not suffer depression and anxiety again.

• Psychotherapy helps to develop skills to improve relationships.

• It helps improve interpersonal skills.

• It helps you to overcome certain problems, like eating disorder, depression, compulsive habits.

• Psychotherapy enables you to manage personal emotions effectively.

These are only some of the benefits of psychotherapy. A psychotherapist can enable you to get back to life and live in a normal way without fear. Skillful therapists are problem-solvers in the domain of emotions and relationships. This is very powerful, and the results can be profound.

Patients with depression and anxiety feel that they are left alone in this world. With psychotherapy, they realize that someone is there to listen to them and support them. Psychotherapy helps people by helping them to understand the behavior and emotions that contribute to their issues and how to deal with them. Whether it is illness, death of a relative or loved one, loss of a job, marital problem or some other issue, therapy will help and provide specific techniques to cope with problems.

From Maesk Counseling in Fort Lauderdale - Five Regrets of The Dying

This was a fascinating piece from The Guardian. I have seen other studies like this as well. The bottom line: live every day as if it were your last. (One day it will be!) Life is precious:

Top five regrets of the dying

A nurse has recorded the most common regrets of the dying, and among the top ones is 'I wish I hadn't worked so hard'. What would your biggest regret be if this was your last day of life? 

There was no mention of more sex or bungee jumps. A palliative nurse who has counselled the dying in their last days has revealed the most common regrets we have at the end of our lives. And among the top, from men in particular, is 'I wish I hadn't worked so hard'.

Bronnie Ware is an Australian nurse who spent several years working in palliative care, caring for patients in the last 12 weeks of their lives. She recorded their dying epiphanies in a blog called Inspiration and Chai, which gathered so much attention that she put her observations into a book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.

Ware writes of the phenomenal clarity of vision that people gain at the end of their lives, and how we might learn from their wisdom. "When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently," she says, "common themes surfaced again and again."

Here are the top five regrets of the dying, as witnessed by Ware:

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

"This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it."

2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.

"This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence."

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

"Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result."

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

"Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying."

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

"This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again."

What's your greatest regret so far, and what will you set out to achieve or change before you die?

From Maesk Counseling in Fort Lauderdale - Emotional Support Animals (ESAs)

For travel or for “no pets” housing, you will need an Emotional Support Animal Evaluation. It is critically important to have this done by a professional who knows what they are doing. Not a week goes by where we do not receive a call from someone who has received an ESA Evaluation from an out-of-state or internet provider who did not understand the requirements or process, and therefore the client’s letter was poorly written and invalid, and was subsequently rejected by a housing authority.

We are used to cleaning up others’ messes! Contact us to schedule your evaluation today.

From Maesk Counseling in Fort Lauderdale - The Twelve Questions

The Twelve Questions of Jeff Bezos

Jeff Bezos, the CEO of Amazon.com, says that to build a great story, everyone needs to think deeply about these twelve questions:

• How will you use your gifts?

• What choices will you make?

• Will inertia be your guide, or will you follow your passions?

• Will you follow dogma, or will you be original?

• Will you choose a life of ease, or a life of service and adventure?

• Will you wilt under criticism, or will you follow your convictions?

• Will you bluff it out when you’re wrong, or will you apologize?

• Will you guard your heart against rejection, or will you act when you fall in love?

• Will you play it safe, or will you be a little bit swashbuckling?

• When it’s tough, will you give up, or will you be relentless?

• Will you be a cynic, or will you be a builder?

• Will you be clever at the expense of others, or will you be kind?

So, the remaining question for you is - what do you want your life to be? Answer that, and today would be good day to start. You can do it!

From Maesk Counseling in Fort Lauderdale - Depression Can Be Treated

“…and whenever I get down, I go have an hour with [my therapist] and the world is beautiful again. If a guy who thought he could walk through walls can say, "I feel like shit here, I'm crying every night, I'm fucking sick of hating myself and I need to see someone," then there's no reason why anyone else can't. It doesn't mean that you're weak. It means you're fucking clever. You can either sulk and die or go do something about it.”

— Former world champion boxer Ricky Hatton

Depression can be treated. Please contact Maesk Counseling for help.

#mentalhealth #maeskcounseling